Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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