I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize