Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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