He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize