Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
