Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
