I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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