Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
