my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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