Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize