Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
