Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
