God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
