So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
