just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
