She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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