I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
