i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
