omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
