what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
