i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
