I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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