Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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