i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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