My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
