so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
