WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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