is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
