btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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