The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".