i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂