R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon