One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
NoShamevember. You game?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
