u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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