U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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