Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
