I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
