Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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