11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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