I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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