I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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