I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
