I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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