i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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