everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
FUCK WHALES
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
