wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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