hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
