Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
