jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize