No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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