you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
