sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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