I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
