I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Randomize
