2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sober January is a disaster.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
