I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
