How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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