oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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